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Funniest Jokes in the World: 2002

07 Aug

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: “Take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, “OK, now what?”

A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man.”
The other man replies, “Yeah, well, we were married 35 years.”

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen.” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her, “That driver just insulted me!” The man says, “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 degrees Celsius. The Russians used a pencil.

A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.” The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, “There are only nine words here. You could send another ‘Woof’ for the same price.” The dog replied, “But that would make no sense at all!”

 
2 Comments

Posted by on August 7, 2007 in Humour

 

2 responses to “Funniest Jokes in the World: 2002

  1. Silhoute

    August 7, 2007 at 8:55 am

    You never failed to post jokes that I have never read before. Thats what about them.
    Keep on posting the jokes. I love em.

    Zawi

     
  2. Mr Bojangles

    August 7, 2007 at 9:00 am

    A man brought his motionless dog, which seemed to be dead, to a vet just to make sure.
    The vet placed the dog on the examination table and brought in a live cat which he used to circle above the dog’s head a few times. Of course the cat meowed loudly but the dog did not stir. “I’m sorry, but your dog is dead”, he told the owner.
    The vet then wrote out a bill for $450. “What!” protested the man. “$450 for an examination that took less than 5 minutes?”
    “Well”, said the vet, “$50 is for consultation and $400 is the cost of the CAT scan”.

     

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