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Of wife’s and husbands…

24 Aug

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. “Tie me up,” she purred, “and you can do anything you want.”

So he tied her up and went golfing.

**************************************************

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!”

The husband said, “Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?” “Doesn’t matter,” she said. “Just get out.”

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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver’s license.

First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:

‘C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.’

“Can you read this?” the optician asked.

“Read it?” the Polish guy replied, “I know the guy.”

**************************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,

“I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.”

“Thank God,” said an elderly nun at the back. “I’m so tired of chardonnay.”

**************************************************

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

“Careful,” he said, “CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!

You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They’re going to STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don’t forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!”

The wife stared at him. “What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don’t know how to fry a couple of eggs?”

The husband calmly replied, “I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I’m driving.”

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3 Comments

Posted by on August 24, 2007 in Humour

 

3 responses to “Of wife’s and husbands…

  1. Mr Bojangles

    August 25, 2007 at 1:35 pm

    The 11th Husband….

    A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to “Please be gentle; I’m still a virgin”.

    “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married ten times?”

    “Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

    “Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function; but he said he’d look into it and get back with me.

    “Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.

    “Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.

    “Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method.

    “Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.

    “Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.

    “Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.

    “Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

    “Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was…….. God I miss him.

    “But now that I’ve married you, I’m so excited”.

    “Wonderful”, said the husband, “but why?

    “You’re a politician”.

    This time I KNOW I’m gonna get SCREWED.”

     
  2. Silhoute

    August 27, 2007 at 12:43 pm

    This is what I enjoy most when visiting your site. All are new jokes to me and non that I have heard of before.

     
  3. Orang Johor

    September 10, 2007 at 1:12 pm

    Your are not putting your own writing in this blog.

    Shame on you !!

     

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