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Darwin Awards recognizing stupidity of mankind

Yes, it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had.

 
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Posted by on January 7, 2010 in Humour

 

Political jokes to bring 2009 to a close

The prime Minister of China called President Bush to console him after the attack on the Pentagon:

‘I’m sorry to hear about the attack.It is a very big tragedy. But in case you are missing any documents from the Pentagon, we have copies of everything.’
============ ========= ========= ========= =====

Musharraf calls Bush on 11th sept:

Musharraf: Mr President, I would like to express my condolences to you. It is a real tragedy. So many people, such great bldgs… I would like to ensure that we had nothing in connection with that..
Bush: What buildings? What people??
Musharraf: Oh, and what time is it in America now?
Bush: It’s eight in the morning.
Musharraf: Oops…Will call back in an hour!
============ ========= ========= ========= ====

Vajpayee and Bush are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, ‘Isn’t that Bush and Vajpayee?’
The barman says ‘Yep, that’s them.’ So the guy walks over and says, ‘Hello, what are you guys doing?’
Bush says, ‘We’re planning world war 3’
The guy says, ‘Really? What’s going to happen?’
And Vajpayee says, ‘Well, we’re going to kill 14 million Pakistanis and one bicycle repairman.’
And the guy exclaimed, ‘A bicycle repairman?!! !’
Vajpayee turns to Bush and says, ‘See, I told you no-one would worry about the 14 million Pakistanis!’

============ ========= ========= ========= =====

Pakistani on the moon:

Q: What do you call 1 Pakistani on the moon?
A: Problem…

Q: What do you call 10 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem….

Q: What do you call a 100 Pakistanis on the moon?
A: Problem…

Q: What do you call ALL the Pakistanis on the moon?
A: …… Problem Solved!!!

============ ========= ========= ========= =====

A man is! taking a walk in Central park in New York . Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog..
He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl’s life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: ‘You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: ‘Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl’.

The man says: ‘But I am not a New Yorker!’
Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning: ‘Brave American saves life of little girl’ the policeman answers.

‘But I am not an American!’ – says the man. Oh, what are you then?’
The man says: ‘I am a Pakistani!’

The next day the newspapers say: ‘Extremist kills innocent American dog’

 
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Posted by on December 31, 2009 in Humour

 

Maximizing Organizational Potential

Here is a must see video on Managing the “non-high flyers” and why you need to focus on them.

 
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Posted by on November 6, 2009 in Leadership

 

Understanding the US economy

It is the month of August, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to choose one. The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower. The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel. The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town’s prostitute that in these hard times, gave her “services” on credit. The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.

At that moment, the tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism…..

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States is doing business today.

 
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Posted by on September 25, 2009 in Humour

 

Quick thinking…

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee…..

On his first day, he dialled the kitchen and shouted into the phone:

“Get me a cup of coffee, quickly!”

The voice from the other side responded:

“You fool; you’ve dialled the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re
talking to?”

“No” replied the trainee.

“It’s the Managing Director of the company, you idiot!”

The trainee shouted back: “And do you know who YOU are talking to, you IDIOT?”

“No!” replied the Managing Director angrily.

“Thank God!” replied the trainee and put the phone down…..

 
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Posted by on August 28, 2009 in Humour

 

Petronas Future Leaders Forum – Transform the Power Within US

What a fantastic themed setup for a transformation event.  Click on the pictures to see enlarged view.

 
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Posted by on August 19, 2009 in General

 

3 Simple Steps for Powerful Service Recovery

MAS SUCKS

As a business, there will come a time that you will fail a customer.  In some businesses it happens one in every million transactions and in other maybe one in every ten.  Whichever end of the spectrum you are, service recovery is key.  As we know an unhappy customer will speak to ten others and in todays age of blogs and social media, that ten is more likely to be ten thousand.

So mastering the art of service recovery is absolutely essential and here are the three simple steps which must be followed in the exact sequence:

  1. Start with an apology, “I am sorry”
  2. Take ownership of the failure, “It is my fault”
  3. Ask how you can make it better, “What can I do to make it better?”

The above 3 are really simple to do and when you do it, you truly regain the confidence of the customer.

Service Recover Case Study:

Here is a real apology from a CEO of an airline to a customer:

I am sorry for the unpleasant experience and I can understand your frustration. I don’t know what went wrong here. We will get to the bottom of this. Please give us a chance to win you back as a customer.

The CEO does very well with the apology and he somewhat takes ownership for the problem but he doesn’t do part 3 which is to simply ask, “what can I do to make it better?”

Now contrast this to the reply that the same passenger got from the Senior General Manager of the same airline :

Thanks for the feedback.

I will get back to you soon. In the meantime, can I assist you in the (destination) booking. We can offer you the same rate as you saw in the internet.

Best Regards

The Senior General Manager doesn’t offer the customer an apology and doesn’t take ownership of the problem. All he does is offer to complete the transaction at the same price.  There is no regard whatsoever for the inconvenience  or any offer to “compensate” for the inconvenience.

Simply compare the response from the CEO and the response from the Senior General Manger and you tell me, via the poll below, which would you prefer?

So remember – when you fail a customer you must go into service recovery mode to ensure that the trust of the customer is won over. And all you have to do is follow the 3 simple steps, in the exact sequence:

  1. Start with an apology, “I am sorry”
  2. Take ownership of the failure, “It is my fault”
  3. Ask how you can make it better, “What can I do to make it better?”

The example cited above is  a real case  between Malaysian Airlines and  a customer. You can view the fully story here:

Does MAS Service Really Suck?

Does MAS Service Really  Suck? 2

Does MAS Service Really  Suck? 3

 
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Posted by on July 17, 2009 in Business